- Gay Marriage: I'm only legal in 6 states.
- Having sex with a horse: I'm legal in 23 states.
- America: I'm an idiot.
- me: they're my babies
- person: but they're twice your a-
- me: babies. mine.
Use of Profanity With Age
- 8 years old: oh my gosh i said 'shut up!' mom is going to kill me!
- 18 years old: WELL FUCK ME OVER SIDEWAYS AND DICK TOSS THAT SHIT TO HELL I FORGOT TO PRINT THIS OUT.
i feel like people are laughing at me when they like my picture
(via my-chemical-hugs)
When I have kids
- *Watching Harry Potter, Hunger Games and Percy Jackson*
- Kid: Mum, why are we watching these movies they're so old.
- Me: Just shut up and eat your pears.
- Kid: Mum these movies are so unrealistic.
- Me: How dare you you muggle!
- Kid: Mum you're so embarrassing. *leaves and slams the door*
- Me: JOSHUA FINNICK RONALD LERMAN THAT IS MAHOGANY
